1. They're annoying.
2. They're really annoying.
3. I'm referring, of course, to "25 Random Things About Me" -- those self-cataloguing Facebook notes that everyone is clogging up my News Feed with.
4. If you've been mystified to see yourself tagged in one of these notes, then you know the rules.
5. "Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you."
6. They're spreading virally, a cross between chain letters and HPV.
7. At least a dozen, probably more, have slid down my News Feed in recent days.
8. They recall earlier Facebook irritants like the "If 100,000 People Join This Group, Then _____" groups, which promised payoffs like "...My Girlfriend Will Have A Threesome" and "...My Wife Will Let Me Name Our Child Spiderpig" and "I'll Eat Every McDonald's Value Meal #1-12."
9. None of those things ever happened.
10. "25 Things" is uniquely pesty, combining navel-gazing with obligation.
11. Twenty-five is far too many things to come up with. (As I'm discovering right now.)
12. As such, list-padding becomes
13. Rampant.
14. I forced myself to read several of these just now.
15. It took less than four minutes to find eight of them.
16. I'll admit, some entries were compelling.
17. Like this intriguing bit from a high school classmate: "I'm definitely not that bad of a citizen but i've been arrested
twice (found innocent both times), but I definitely recommend being
arrested by the Harrisonburg police department if i had to chose. They
were incredibly friendly and meeting them was an incredibly positive
experience."
18. And this girl's melancholy admission: "I have never dated a guy who treated me well. I don't even know how that would feel."
19. Almost everything else was insufferably inane.
20. Like (sorry, Cindy!) "I've never been skiing."
21. And (sorry, Kate!) "I have pretty large wristbones."
22. The only thing worse than "25 Things" is the fact that some people further the mental nosedive by adding their comments.
23. Like one "Chuck Blazer," who wrote this about the list of a certain presidential aspirant's daughter: "Meghan... nice list, but most of it was stuff I knew about you already. The challenge here is to list 25 item which wouldn't be known, and in response receive 25 similar revelations to create better understanding. Good luck, Chuck."
24. Dear Chuck: you are taking way too seriously, and expending way too much energy on, way too moronic a fad.
25. Like me.
