I live my life with a wide margin of error. Not just because I am clumsy (though I am very clumsy); but also because I am absent-minded and gullible. Up until yesterday, I had those character traits under control. But now that I'm a Freegan, clumsy, absent-minded and gullible are firmly in charge of the asylum. Let me explain. I wake up and its raining, no big deal, I have like 8 umbrellas and 4 rain coats. Except I don't. Every single umbrella and rain coat is at work because if it's raining in the morning, it's never raining in the afternoon and why carry an umbrella and rain coat if you don't have to? Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, they only cost $3 at any neighborhood deli, but now that I've tramped down to the subway station in the rain, I realize I can't take the train because I left my Metrocard in the pants I wore yesterday. That means back up to the three-room palace in the rain and then back to the train. Soaking wet and late for work is not a good start to this experiment. Luckily, I don't give up in the face of hardship, I simply whine. Which is what I did all morning, loudly. And at about 1:00 pm, I came to a shocking conclusion; people hate sniveling just as much as they hate self-righteousness. Lesson #1: They don't want to hear about your moral superiority OR the difficulty of a choice you made voluntarily. It's a bit like models saying their jobs are hard or movie stars complaining about the paparazzi (a bit, just a bit.) The only possible response from people is Shut Up! So I did.

But now I'm talking again. I've given up enough! I cannot also give up my voice! But I can, apparently, go completely hysterical, strident even, due to low-blood sugar. I am so hungry. I am cartoon hungry - my co-workers keep shape-shifting into (local) turkeys or sides of (grass-fed) beef. In my old omnivorous days, I never ate breakfast. Eating first thing in the morning used to gross me out. But now my stomach actually wakes me before my alarm. A co-worker told me that's because I'm no longer getting complete proteins. I think it's because I feel deprived or maybe it's because I skipped my lunch after I nearly broke a tooth on my all-natural, local, organic, cherry complete with pits spread sandwich. Or maybe it's because I now spend three quarters of my time defending what I'm doing instead of thinking through well-balanced vegan delights. All day I’ve been pestered by the "well-meaning." "Should you be smoking?" "Are you wearing all-natural fibers?" "Can you eat that?" "What's a freegan?" And so the question lingers; why should I be concerned about the planet (it's a lot older then my 37 years) when I'm just trying to get through the day without breaking anything, getting fired or making anyone mad? And the only conclusion I've come up with so far is that if we don't give a damn about Earth, it'll kill us, all of us, every single mammal, just like it did the dinosaurs. We should turn off our lights, change our gas guzzling habits and turn the water off when we brush our teeth because Bruce Willis is not going to be able to save us like he did in Armageddon And Val Kilmer is just an actor, Red Planet was just a movie. We don't know how to send a probe to Mars without getting the math wrong so no, we cannot Terra-farm other planets. It's better cinema for the hottie action heroes to do it by himself.

Sadly, recycling has never produced a blockbuster. And no, Will Smith, Tom Cruise or Superman can't do it either. So we're stuck with our own small, seemingly meaningless actions and that's ok with me when the sun is shining, but it's a lot harder to remember when it only costs $3 to stay dry. But then again, I'm worried about telling my kids that I traded the environmental stability of our planet for 1230 misplaced umbrellas. Oh, forget it. I'm no good today - too melodramatic. I need some complete proteins and to reach out to some experts who can help me sort out this mess. More tomorrow.

Only Bad News: No ice cream ever. I never leave the building because I bring my lunch and can't buy anything anyway and it never stops raining. My sense of righteousness is on the rise ever since I looked at some pictures of animal cruelty to get my mind off the pizza a colleague ordered and ate practically in front of me, so I'm soon going to be a jerk on top of all my other difficulties. My husband is balking at the indoor worm composting and I keep forgetting to turn lights off when I leave the room and I still dawdle in the shower.

Also, gentle readers, I need a ruling: I'm afraid that if I turn my monitor off when I leave my desk, my boss will think I'm out of the office. And I leave my desk a lot which means she could think I'm lazy and not worth employing. Should I risk it? Also, I am still smoking the cigarettes I have; but I do not throw the butts on the ground. Is that bad? E-mail me to let me know your thoughts on these questions and anything else about the Freegans or my 31-day adventure.

Worries: Peep this, I miss my women's magazines. I gave them up so as not to be tempted by Lucky magazine's '971 Fall Must-Haves;' but what's really sad is that what I really miss is all that self-esteem-sapping nonsense they spout about gentlemen preferring blondes and diamonds being a girl's best friend (Can you imagine, a more unpleasant combination of personality traits than melodramatic and gullible?) And I am absent-minded though I"ll have to come back to you as to why - I've completely forgotten what I meant to tell you