Sometime I, Breeder provocatrix Jessica Bennett writes in this week's NEWSWEEK about retouching your tyke's school pix:

We've all looked back on grade-school photos and wondered, "What in God's name was I thinking?" For me it started with buckteeth and hair-sprayed bangs-a true child of the '80s. Then came the braces, stringy hair and oversize Kurt Cobain T-shirt, the tween years of Seattle grunge. High school wasn't actually that long ago, but I'm sure whatever it was I wore will be grossly unfashionable by the time my 10-year reunion hits.

The grade-school class portrait is a time capsule of sorts-a bittersweet reminder of forgotten cowlicks, blemishes and crooked teeth. Awkward, at least in retrospect, is awfully cute. So it's sad to think those mortifying school snapshots might soon be a thing of the past. A growing number of photo agencies and a horde of Web sites now offer retouching for kids to wipe their every imperfection clean: powdering complexions, whitening teeth, erasing braces or freckles. And parents are signing up their kids at younger and younger ages.

READ THE FULL STORY HERE
 

Gaming the System: Choose videogames that adapt to your child’s skills. Getty Images

By Anna Kuchment and Christina Gillham

Parents who feel guilty about letting their kids watch TV might breathe a sigh of relief after talking to Deborah Linebarger. Linebarger, an assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communication who studies the effects of media on young children, has let all her kids watch some TV from the time they were babies. “There’s evidence now that certain kinds of programming can help kids with language development and can be beneficial in moderation,” she says.

Some studies have linked TV and videogames with obesity and attention-deficit disorders. And the American Academy of Pediatrics says kids younger than 2 shouldn’t watch any television at all. But, despite these warnings, 90 percent of 2-year-olds regularly watch TV, DVDs or videos, and one third of 3- to 6-year-olds have a TV in their bedroom. So child-development experts have turned their attention to helping parents make smart choices. A growing body of research shows that, if parents select programming wisely, set time limits and watch with their kids as much as possible, children are likely to benefit rather than suffer any negative consequences. “I don’t think TV screens for any age should be dealt with as something toxic,” says Dr. Michael Rich, a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Boston and director of its Center on Media and Child Health (cmch.tv). Some advice on helping your children navigate the video landscape:

Ages 0 to 2.“There’s nothing better for infants’ development than human interaction,” says Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington and coauthor of “The Elephant in the Living Room: Make Television Work for Your Kids.” Last year Christakis coauthored a study that found a correlation between baby video and DVD viewing and poor language development in babies ages 8 to 16 months. But Linebarger says to follow your kid’s cues. If your child seems interested in TV, an 11- to 12-minute episode of a commercial-free show like Nickelodeon’s “Blue’s Clues” or PBS’s “Arthur” is unlikely to do harm and could help him learn new words. Preliminary research by Rebekah Richert, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, shows that babies as young as 18 months are capable of learning new words from DVDs like Baby Einstein’s “Baby Wordsworth” as long as “parents direct their children’s attention to the screen and label particular words.”

Ages 2 to 5. In Linebarger’s research, watching such programs as Nickelodeon’s “Dora the Explorer” and “Blue’s Clues” and PBS’s “Arthur,” “Clifford” and “Dragon Tales” was linked with increased vocabulary in kids ages 6 months to 2½ years, while such shows as PBS’s “Teletubbies” were linked with decreased vocabulary. Choose programs with a linear plotline, as opposed to a variety-show format, because they’re easier for toddlers to follow.

Ages 6 to 10. “There’s not as much programming for kids once they start school that’s of high quality,” says Christakis. But kids in this age group are not yet ready for prime-time TV, and parents will need to hunt around for more-appropriate content. Prescreen as much as possible to make sure the show you’re watching is teaching your child the same values you are, and check review sites like parentschoice .org or commonsensemedia.org. Linebarger also recommends documentary-style shows on the History Channel and the Discovery Channel. Michael Levine, executive director of the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, a new organization dedicated to improving the educational content of digital media, says to limit screen time to one hour per day, discuss TV shows and games with your kids after they’ve viewed them, and read daily with them for at least 20 minutes. As with nutrition, a healthy media diet is all about balance.

By Kathy Jones

 The horror began about 10 minutes before the movie started. I saw a tiny head bobbing up the aisle at the 10:15 pm showing of "American Gangster," and I reeled in disgust--yet another parent or caregiver bringing her small child, this one not more than 4 or 5 years old, to a late-night film full of F-bombs (spoken as well as acted out) and extreme violence. How am I supposed to enjoy a fictional story line when this real-life child abuse is being played over it? Because as much as the movie industry and theater owners want to dance around it, that's exactly what they are letting happen in these venues when small children are exposed to R-rated films. They are facilitating cruelty to children (or at very minimum neglect), and forcing other patrons to witness it.

My complaint is not new, and yet the Motion Picture Association of America does next to nothing about it. During this weekend's massive movie-going holiday for families, you can bet hundreds of tots are going to be dragged off to after-bedtime showings of "The Mist" or "Hitman." Many moviegoers have complained, but the only thing the MPAA has done is add this mealy-mouthed addendum to its rules (which bar admission to R-rated films to anyone under 17 unless accompanied by a parent): "Generally, it is not appropriate for parents to bring their young children with them to R-rated motion pictures."

But "generally"? How about never. And how about some teeth?

I should probably start by saying that I don't have kids. But what I am about to say I say as an older sister of identical twin boys, a summer camp counselor, a high school tutor, the daughter of an elementary school teacher and the founder of a pre-teen babysitting business. I like kids. A lot. 

But as a 10-year veteran of the restaurant industry allow me to speak for nearly every waitress, busboy, bartender and restaurant manager out there when I say I simply cannot help it, I hate your kids.

I've worked everywhere from fine dining to the local beer garden, and let me tell you: waitressing isn't an easy job to begin with. It's demoralizing that I have to do it to supplement my income. It's awkward when I run into colleagues. And it's angering when customers--and countless sleazy dudes--assume I have no other marketable intelligence outside of rattling off the draft beer list. On top of that, there's your damn kids. For starters, they're dirty: They throw noodles all over the floor, spread spaghetti sauce, drop breadbaskets. They spill water on the tablecloth and crawl underneath the table. They want crayons and drawing paper to keep them entertained, and they require an extra trip to the storage closet for a high chair and a broom, which--with six other tables demanding my attention--can make or break a tip.

They whine, moan, and poop. They demand everything and contribute nothing: their food is cheap (if they order food at all) and they don't get drinks (yes, I know that's obvious, but a waitress's No. 1 goal is to up that tab). They need special food that's not too hot and not too hard, and their bottles need to be heated up--but they can't be microwaved. ("Can I get a warm--but not too hot--basin to soak this in?" I've had many-a-mother ask sweetly.) For the record, restaurants don't keep "hot water basins" on hand.