WHEREAS this is a parenting blog about, among other things, parenting; and

WHEREAS I am the parent of a child (or so I am told) who is nearly three, and

WHEREAS said child is currently undergoing an exceedingly lax course of potty training, and

WHEREAS it is written into my parent-blogging contract that I mention poop (in an endearingly-cute-yet-raffishly-ironic manner) a bare minimum of once a month, and

WHEREAS, let's face it, poop is funny,

BE IT SO ENACTED that I tell you, dear readers, that my child has pooped into her potty!! For the first time! She said "I need to poop" and so we plopped her on the potty and she pooped!! This happened twice over the weekend! I have never before used so many exclamation points on the topic of poop!!! Even when I had the stomach flu in Vegas!

Generally it has gone more like this: child goes from playing manically to sulking in the corner. Parent asks child "are you pooping?" Child says "no." Parent says "if you need to poop, just say so and you can sit on the potty!" Child says "I'M NOT POOPING. OK?" Parent says "OK, well, come back and join us." Child comes back, plays for three seconds and announces "I can't sit on the potty because I have a dirty diaper." Parent smacks self on forehead.

But there it was: From "I have to poop" to solid potty action. Boom! The second time went less smoothly. F announced her need to cop a squat yesterday morning as we were getting dressed. ("I'm listening to my body! You hear it?") She sat on the toilet for 15 minutes. "It's not coming out," she'd announce and then climb off her throne. Then flush anyway. Then two seconds later: "Oh yeah, I have to poop." Back into the saddle. Then mommy had to go to work. Daddy (that would be me) had to get dressed. So I let her sit on the potty, wait, climb off, remount. Every time I poked my head in to check her progress she would shout "NO DADDY, I NEED PRIVACY" and then get off. And then get back on. Flush. Repeat.

As I was choosing a shirt I heard a little voice announce "I did it, Daddy! I pooped in the potty!" I jogged in to congratulate her/hose her down but before I reached the bathroom she added: "And the floor!" I quickened my pace.

It was all true: the potty, the floor. But there was one other thing. In her pride and excitement she neglected to mention that she had also stepped in it. And walked around. In my house.

Barefoot.