The New York Post, that paragon of American journalism--the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh columns all rolled into one --has a groundbreaking report today: One-third of moms have cheated! What?! At Scrabble, right?

Oh noes! The same amount--just 36 percent --say they're still attracted to their husbands. The rest would apparently rather bone George Clooney (well, who wouldn't?) or, um, Barack Obama.

Least reassuring quote: "The desire to have desire [for their husbands] is there."

AN UPDATE: Ladies, please stop reading now.

Seriously, gals. Go away.

They gone? Good.

OK, gents. So I sent that story to my friend Dan. His response? "They harangue you to get married and then...they cheat!"

I am never going to get any love again, am I?

Newsweek's very own Claudia Kalb reports on a controversial and flawed new study about spanking. The money paragraph, as it were:

One stat: the 25 percent of university students who ranked highest on a corporal punishment scale insisted on sex without a condom, compared with the 12.5 percent of university students who scored lowest on the scale. Another: 75 percent of college students who'd been spanked a lot said they were sexually aroused by masochistic sex, compared with 40 percent of students who were never spanked.

So, yeah. Spanking turns your kids into sluts. Good to know.

Here's an interesting tidbit -- it seems that an expectant mother's diet may influence the sex of her baby. From the UK's Daily Mail: "mice with low blood-sugar levels--a good indicator of a sugar-rich diet--produce more female than male offspring."

For a University of Pretoria study, researchers gave 20 female mice a steroid called dexamethasone, which kept their blood-sugar levels low. Mmmm, sweet steroids. I believe this is now referred to as the Marion Jones diet. The sex of these mice's litters was then compared with those of 20 mice on a regular diet. Those eating normally produced offspring that were 53 percent male. But those on the steroid produced litters that were only 41 percent male. (For the record, I am 77 percent male.)

So, basically, this confirms what we already knew: sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of. Boys, according to the Daily Mail piece, come from a diet of "red meat and salty snacks." Puppy dog tails are red meat, right? Snails are salty snacks, aren't they? Makes perfect sense to me. But, wait, what does a perfectly balanced diet predict? Confusing!

And what if, as in the case with my very own spousemouse, the expectant mother in question is eating ... nothing? Because nothing will stay in her stomach. What does a diet of partially-digested almonds, Gatorade, grapefruit and toast predict!? I fear that our second born will have the genitalia of a Ken doll (don't click on that link ... but first don't think of an elephant).

Whatever our child looks like, I will love herm anyway. Probably.