Earlier this week I posted excerpts from I journal I kept while serving in Iraq. During this fifth anniversary week of the war, I wanted to give readers a sense of what it was like preparing to deploy. Today I'm posting a few more entries from the journal. They all take place while I was at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, waiting to see if/when we'd get the call to deploy. 

March 23, 2003

A Sunday afternoon on the barracks' catwalk. Day four of the war. Nothing much else to do but bullsh*t and watch TV. There are an estimated 50 Marine casualties at this point. Mom said she watched a firefight on TV this morning. Some U.S. forces are less than 100 miles from Baghdad.  Other than that don't know what else to say...just waiting. A lot of us think that we'll end up going no where, just end up staying stateside. I don't believe that, I just hope we don't go somewhere for some bull*t mission. If we do something good I know I'll feel as though I've accomplished something worthwhile in my 23 years. 

Things just get more surreal by the hour. First, we watched more footage of the front lines where Marines were fighting. These guys are just like us, it's so obvious but I just can't get my head around it. At one point the reporter mentioned he was with the 2nd Battalion 8th Marines--and we're staying in their barracks right now. It's getting more frustrating to see Marines dying and not being able to help them. Sgt. D- speculates that our leave date for Iraq might come sooner. He also says when we get there we'll probably wish for these long nights back in the U.S.  Funny, because he's never talked like that before.


March 24, 2003

Not much to say except that today I realized I could actually die. I mean I see vivid pictures of such things, and I see how easily this can happen in war. It may seem like an obvious statement.  I thought about these kinds of things the moment I enlisted. But never in those early, innocent, "good ol' days" when I rushed through weekend training to get back to school and finish my homework, did I ever think I'd be in a war. Then, once this became apparent, it has taken until now to really understand what war actually means...I mean, really means. It doesn't seem like me, David Botti, could be shot to death on a road in Iraq...but, it can so easily happen. So easy to become a name on the wall, and a cross in Arlington Nation Cemetery where thousands like me may have thought the same things. But I shouldn't think about such morbid things. The war is getting bloodier...especially for the Marines. Today I saw an Army convoy come under attack on TV.


March 25, 2003

Things have changed infinitely in a matter of a few hours. We learned today that we would be leaving for Kuwait by the weekend. Things kicked into high gear. The mood seems somber, uncertain, worried. Things are so real and so clear that it seems everyday the fog lifts revealing how things will really be. I could see it in the major's face as he told us we were going. Here are people's thoughts: H- is having trouble sleeping; B- is worried that he'll kill someone and go to hell; S- wishes he picked up a slutty girl last weekend; A- doesn't feel like talking to his parents (he also thinks he only has a 20 percent chance of coming home not wounded or dead); C- wants to go but is scared at the same time; N- is nervous. All I can really do is concentrate on the future, and put all this into perspective when I come back home.

Along with the Iraq war starting five years ago this week, this period was also the first time I began writing in the journal I kept while deployed.  I'm posting excerpts today and tomorrow, so you can get a sense of what was going through the mind of a lowly lance corporal on his way to Iraq.  The entries are not particularly eloquent, but they're real and I hope they just show what the calm was like before the storm.  I've omitted the names of my fellow Marines for their privacy.

...from that first impact, among many on the roof, the mood was scarcely one of cool detachment, or at least not as cautioned as it might have been by the longer-term implications of what we were seeing. Part of it, no doubt, was the air show — the sheer, astonishing, overwhelming demonstration of power, more like an act of God than man, unleashing in those watching from the roof something approaching awe.

• 28% of the public is aware that nearly 4,000 troops have been killed in Iraq over the past five years.
• Nearly 50% think the number of U.S. deaths is 3,000 or fewer.
• 23% of the public think the number of U.S. deaths is higher than 4,000.
• In earlier surveys nearly half of the respondents recalled the correct number of deaths.
• In 2007 the median of Iraq-associated news stories was 15% of all news stories.
• During the last week in January, 36% of those surveyed said they were most closely following campaign news; 14% the stock market; 12% the death of Heath Ledger; and 6% the war in Iraq.
• And, as the Associated Press quotes the survey director: "All education levels in the recent survey were similarly uninformed."

Perhaps very recently they've started to evaluate hearing more closely, but when I returned from Iraq six months ago, we sat down for a simple hearing test like the one we did before we deployed. My roommate already was legally deaf in one ear and wasn't supposed to deploy, but he did anyway. He was on a patrol when an IED targeting dismounts went off right next to him, sending him sprawling to the ground with a concussion. He sat out for a few weeks to recover.

Back in the states, hearing in his bad ear was even worse than when he left. The only compensation, he was told, was free hearing aids for life.

The rest of us weren't lucky enough to receive that kind of slap in the face. Tests that showed degenerated hearing were looked at with suspicion and doubt, as if we had overstated our problems.

He then posts a video to illustrate the kind of noise troops are dealing with. The guns firing along with him are two M16's and a SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon).



More from the blogger:

I had a trick where I covered my ear with my right index finger when my rifle was resting on the ledge. This did little but was far better than the cumbersome foam earplugs we were given. It's too little, too late for those of us who were already given our hearing to the wars. I'm now in a customer service job where I answer the phone constantly, and I can't use my left ear with the receiver.

The four-day event will bring together veterans from across the country to testify about their experiences in Iraq and Afghanistan - and present video and photographic evidence. In addition, there will be panels of scholars, veterans, journalists, and other specialists to give context to the testimony. These panels will cover everything from the history of the GI resistance movement to the fight for veterans' health benefits and support.

The veterans are not against the military and seek not to indict it – instead they seek to shine a light on the bigger picture: that the Abu Ghraib prison regime and the Haditha massacre of innocent Iraqis are not isolated incidents perpetrated by “bad seeds” as the military suggests, but evidence of an endemic problem. They will say they were tasked to do terrible things and point the finger up the chain of command, which ignores, diminishes or covers up routine abuse and atrocities.

Other veterans, and vet bloggers, aren't thrilled with this event. A group called "Stop the Slander," described as a "coalition of concerned veterans, family members, and friends," has even published a guide for reporter's covering IVAW.  The guide warns journalists that claims made by IVAW may be untrue.  The guide even provides an acronym to follow of questions to ask:

D: Date(s) – When did the incident occur?
U: Unit(s) – What military units were involved?
P: Personnel – What are the names of the participants and witnesses?
E: Event(s) – What exactly happened exactly where?
S: Signature(s) – Was this reported at the time or later and were reports, affidavits or depositions signed, or will they now be signed?

Veterans For Freedom blogger, Mark Seavey, took his own critical look at the IVAW's preparations for the Winter Soldier event, but in the end wrote that both sides of the debate should be heard -- without unnecessary contest or debate:

I think it speaks well of IVAW that they expect all testimony to be true and verifiable.  And there will plenty of eyes there to ensure that.  Hopefully we can all say our piece, discuss our views and then go home with no violence on anyone’s part.

 

The term "Winter Soldier" is derived from Thomas Paine's passage intended to motivate George Washington's troops suffering at Valley Forge:

“These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.”

Logically, we know this soldier has possibly killed people in Iraq, so it feels misplaced to vent about a puppy in a war zone; emotionally, we find hurting a helpless puppy beyond reproach. If the video weren't shot in Iraq (if it were, say, some tweens torturing a dog in a backyard -- you'll find plenty of this on YouTube), the tension wouldn't be there, and it wouldn't be today's viral hit. The contradiction -- people vs. puppies; war vs. peace-keeping -- will probably catapult this thing to network nightly news.

The named Marine returned to Hawaii in October from Haqlaniyah, Iraq, after a seven-month deployment, Maj. Chris Perrine, a Marine spokesman, told the Honolulu Advertiser.

"We're still trying to figure out, is this a legitimate video?" Perrine told the newspaper. "Was it edited? Is it [that Marine] who's in it? We don't know. We'll find that out hopefully sooner rather than later."

But I'm not writing to say what a bad guy this Marine is for throwing the puppy like he does. That's obvious. I'm not writing to implicate the whole Marine Corps for the act of two goofballs who are not representative of our troops over there...No, I'm writing about our reaction as a society. I have now seen this story everywhere from all over the internet to the local news. Everyone is outraged. Are you kidding me? We caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians and we're outraged over a puppy?!