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The turkey's in the Tupperware. The sleigh bells are starting to ring. And with only 36 days until the Iowa caucuses, the frontrunners for the GOP nomination, Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, are clawing at each other like bloodthirsty banshees.

Happy Holidays! It's about time.

After letting Romney attack for last six months or so--on immigration, on gay marriage, on government spending--Giuliani finally deigned to return fire on Sunday. “[Romney] throws stones at people,” Giuliani told Jonathan Martin of the Politico. “And then on that issue he usually has a worse record than whoever he’s throwing stones at.” As the Washington Post notes, Giuliani's volley underscored "the growing stakes in New Hampshire, where Romney leads in the polls but Giuliani now believes he has a chance to derail the former Massachusetts governor's campaign before it can build the kind of momentum that could make him unstoppable."

Now, with barely 48-hours of high-stakes sniping under their belts, it's clear that the battle between the GOP heavyweights is going to come down to one simple question: Who's the less liberal contender? The back-and-forth isn't especially subtle. Romney says, "My opponent is liberal." Giuliani responds, "I know you are, but what am I?" And then it begins again.

Typical for a Republican primary? No way. Entertaining? You bet. So who's looking the least liberal? Stumper investigates, issue-by-issue:

IMMIGRATION

Romney on Giuliani: "If you look at lists compiled on Web sites of sanctuary cities, New York is at the top of the list when Mayor Giuliani was mayor. He instructed city workers not to provide information to the federal government that would allow them to enforce the law. New York City was the poster child for sanctuary cities in the country."(ABC News, Aug. 7)
Giuliani on Romney: "'Campaign Trail Mitt Romney’s newfound interest in illegal immigration stands in stark contrast to his record as governor,' Katie Levinson, Mr. Giuliani’s communications director, said in a statement yesterday... In criticizing New York City for its so-called sanctuary city policies, Mr. Giuliani’s campaign said, Mr. Romney was being hypocritical, in that as governor Mr. Romney did not take action against municipalities like Cambridge, Somerville and Brookline that had similar resolutions." (NY TIMES, Nov. 21)
Less Liberal-Looking: Romney. Not only has he forced Giuliani to defend statements like, "The reality is that they are here, and they’re going to remain here," but "advocates on both sides of the debate in Massachusetts...[have said Romney] could make a legitimate case for being consistent on the issue while governor, even if he had markedly ratcheted up his rhetoric on the campaign trail" (NY TIMES, Nov. 21). There's a first time for everything.

CRIME

Giuliani on Romney: "Romney’s opponents pounced last week after Daniel Tavares, a murderer released from prison in Massachusetts after serving 16 years for killing his mother with a carving knife, was arrested again for killing a couple in Washington. Now why, you may ask, is this Romney’s fault? It turns out that Kathe Tuttman, the superior court judge who approved Tavares’ release, was appointed by Gov. Romney in 2006... On Saturday, Giuliani said that 'it's not an isolated situation” and that 'the reality is, he did not have a record of reducing violent crime' as governor." (SLATE, Nov. 26)
Romney on Giuliani: "Romney... charged during the past weekend it was 'very ironic' for Giuliani to criticize him for appointing a judge who allowed the release of a convicted killer who recently murdered again. Romney noted Giuliani's support of former New York police commissioner Bernard Kerik, who is being indicted on multiple counts of corruption and fraud." (NH UNION LEADER, Nov. 26)
Less Liberal-Looking: Giuliani. Cronyism has become something of a conservative calling-card under Bush. Pulling a Michael Dukakis? Not so much.

TAXES

Giuliani on Romney: “He tried to bring about tax cuts. He failed to do it. I tried to bring about tax cuts. I succeeded in doing it” (POLITICO, Nov. 26). "I am beating my closest rival, 23 to nothing in cutting taxes" (BOSTON GLOBE, Nov. 25).
Romney on Giuliani: At a morning stop in Amherst, the former Massachusetts governor accused Giuliani of leaving a "budget gap twice as big as the one he inherited: over $3 billion." (BOSTON GLOBE, Nov. 25)
Less Liberal-Looking: Giuliani. Even Bush has a budget gap. Nothing is less liberal than tax cuts, especially when you tally them up and get a number like 23, which is one better than 22.

SOCIAL ISSUES

Romney on Giuliani: "I believe it's important for someone to be pro-life, to be pro-family and pro-traditional marriage... and I'm afraid that on all... of those measures that Mayor Giuliani would be the wrong course for our party. He is in the same position as Hillary Clinton on life and on marriage." (Romney to reporters in New Hampshire, Nov. 26)
Giuliani on Romney: "'He's the one who said that he would be on the left of Teddy Kennedy on gay rights,' Giuliani said on MSNBC's "Morning Joe," referring to Romney's race against the Massachusetts senator in 1994" (NY POST, Nov. 26).
Less Liberal-Looking: Romney. Ted Kennedy may be the only human lifeform who trumps Hillary Clinton on the liberal-o-meter. But actually having liberal positions on marriage and abortion, like Giuliani, is the most liberal thing of all.

THE RESULTS

It's a draw. With two wins each, neither Romney nor Giuliani is looking incurably liberal--yet. But tread lightly, gents. If you continue down the path of mutually assured destruction, Republicans might give up on choosing who's "less liberal"--and decide you're both "too liberal" to support. And then, who knows? The party faithful might actually seek out a "more conservative" candidate.

Stranger things have happened.

*Changed from "least" to "less" here and throughout the piece. Thanks to Ken Shepherd at NewsBusters for pointing out that "'least' is a superlative adjective and implies the presence of three or more options." English major? Who, me?