... Matt Drudge casts his vote:

 

Once upon a time, the New York Times could gush about the strange new synergy between Clinton and Drudge, a former family foe. Not anymore, apparently. Absurd as it is, the fedora'ed-one's eponymous site exerts an enormous influence over MSM editors and producers--meaning that "The Nominee" might very well be tomorrow's storyline.

With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton fighting each other to a draw over the last few weeks in the riveting battle for blue-collar ordinariness--Clinton: Crown Royal, Mauser rifles, red pick up trucks, NASCAR; Obama: Budweiser, apple pie, P-I-G, hay bales--Stumper hereby proposes a new way for the good people of Indiana and North Carolina to decide which candidate they prefer:

Who delivers a funnier Top Ten list?

Last night, the former First Lady appeared on the David Letterman Show via satellite to rattle off her "Top Ten Reasons Hillary Clinton Loves America." Watch it and weep:

Incidentally, Clinton's appearance came a little more than three months after her rival gave Letterman his "Top Ten Barack Obama Campaign Promises." Get it while it's hot:

Who's funnier? We'll let the Tar Heels and Hoosiers decide. But it's at least as relevant as who can down a boilermaker with the most gusto.

By the way, our pick for funniest Top Ten list: Mitt Romney. Here he is last week at D.C.'s Radio Correspondents Dinner with the "Top Ten Reasons I Decided to Get Out of the Race":

Mitt Romney? Funny? We never thought we'd say those words in the same sentence. But with Obama and Clinton as the competition, "I took a bad fall... and broke my hair" might actually take the cake. 

"It makes me bitter," he said.

Pausing for a moment from his comedy routine, Reid added that he believes the Democratic nomination "is all going to be over very soon."

Nevermind. He was probably still joking.  

RELATED: Speaking of deadpan, here's Reid in an interview last month with the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

Q: Can the race be resolved before the convention? 

Reid: [Serene and mysterious smile.] Easy. 

Q: How is that?

Reid: It will be done.

Q: It just will?

Reid: Yep.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Bob Newhart of Democratic politics.

OBAMA: Forget those false (and politically malicious) "Obama is a Muslim" rumors. Now the Illinois senator's unusual name has been linked to another "exotic" entity: the small town of Obama, Japan, known the world over for its delightful "lacquered chopsticks."

No word yet on whether the connection has destroyed Obama's chances with the crucial "bigoted South Pacific combat veterans" demographic. Then again, something tells us they were going to vote for John McCain anyway.

CLINTON: Back in February, Stumper mercilessly mocked the creator of "Hillary4U&Me," a painful, over-choreographed pro-Clinton "music video." "The song itself... sounds sort of like a commercial jingle for a used futon store circa 1979," we wrote. "Only less catchy." Which is why we sharpened our knives when "Hillary in the House" appeared in our browser's window:

Sadly, the video, which was made by Texas volunteers, does not aspire to the same level of Three's Company-era professional polish as "Hillary4U&Me"--and so, despite ourselves, we find it kind of adorable. The awkwardly improvised lyrics, the sporadic clapping, the fist-pumping dance moves--it's clear that while its predecessor wasa humiliatingly misguided waste of too many people's time and energy, "Hillary in the House" is a spontaneous expression of childlike enthusiasm.

Cherish it while you can. These people are going to be suicidal zombies by the time the Democratic party finally picks a nominee, like, five months from now.

You sit on the floor outside. And get your picture taken doing it.

  

Why, you ask, was I late? Three words: Maurice's Gourmet Barbecue. Yes, again. How can something so wrong feel so right?

Photo from yesterday's John Edwards event in Columbia by Robert Willett of the Raleigh (N.C.) News & Observer. For the rest of his gallery, click here.

By Holly Bailey 

Maybe John McCain is onto something with these superstitions of his. Just as he did in New Hampshire, McCain toted his lucky penny, his lucky nickel, his lucky compass and other good luck charms around South Carolina yesterday. His wife, Cindy, wore her lucky color, purple.

And his staff is now just as superstitious. Mark McKinnon, McCain’s media advisor, showed up at the senator’s victory rally at the Citadel in Charleston wearing a black felt hat that he wore two weeks ago when McCain won New Hampshire. “I can’t take it off now,” McKinnon told Newsweek. Ditto for Mark Salter, McCain’s longtime aide, who has been honoring his own ritual—willing or not. “I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the last 12 days!” Salter joked.

It's unclear if McCain will shed his once-honored tradition of seeing a movie on Election Day. He was aiming yesterday for a 4:00 p.m. showing of "There Will Be Blood," the new Paul Thomas Anderson flick, but he and aides ran out of time. The same thing happened in New Hampshire, when scheduling kept him out of the theater, too.

Could it be a sign?

Stewart? Colbert? Who needs 'em. Now we've got the "new and improved" Hillary Clinton instead.

According to the AP's Beth Fouhy, Clinton "welcomed her traveling press corps aboard her campaign plane Wednesday with a humorous riff on the standard flight attendant speech familiar to commercial air travelers."

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard the maiden flight of Hill Force One," Clinton said over the plane's intercom as it taxied down the runway en route to Reno, Nev. "My name is Hillary and I am so pleased to have most of you on board. FAA regulations prohibit the use of any cell phones, Blackberries or wireless devices that may be used to transmit a negative story about me.

"In a few minutes, I am going to switch off the 'Fasten Your Seat Belt' sign. However, I've learned lately that things can get awfully bumpy when you least expect it--so you might want to keep those seat belts fastened.

"And in the event of an unexpected drop in poll numbers, this plane will be diverted to New Hampshire.

"If you look out from the right, you will see an America saddled with tax cuts for the wealthiest and a war without end. If you look out from the left, you will see an America with a strong middle class at home and a strong reputation in the world

"Once again, thank you for joining us on Hill Force One. We know you have choices when you fly, and so we are grateful that you chose the plane with the most experienced candidate."

If only we could get her to cross the picket line.
 

And then it was over--sort of. After a week of increasingly heated sniping over race, Barack Obama yesterday afternoon sought the high ground, telling reporters during a hastily called news conference in Reno, Nev. that everyone should just, you know, chillax.

You have seen a tone on the Democrat[ic] side of the campaign that has been unfortunate. I want to stipulate a couple of things. I may disagree with Senator Clinton and Senator Edwards on how to get there, but we share the same goals. We all believe in civil rights. We all believe in equal rights. They are good people. They are patriots.... I don't want the campaign at this stage to degenerate to so much tit-for-tat, back-and-forth, that we lose sight of why we are doing this... Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton have historically been on the right side of civil rights issues. They care about the African American community.… That is something I am convinced of. I want Americans to know that is my assessment.

A smart move politically--and as a human being. Eager to seem equally above-it-all, Clinton quickly released a statement of her own. "We differ on a lot of things," she said. "And it is critical to have the right kind of discussion on where we stand.  But when it comes to civil rights and our commitment to diversity, when it comes to our heroes--President John F. Kennedy and Dr. King--Senator Obama and I are on the same side. And in that spirit, let's come together."

Can you feel the love tonight? I know I can. Unfortunately, no one told New York Rep. Charlie Rangel, a prominent Clinton supporter. As Hillary's statement hit inboxes in newsrooms across the country, Rangel just happened to sit for an interview on the NY1 cable channel--where he said Obama was "absolutely stupid" for calling Clinton's original Martin Luther King, Jr., remark "ill-advised."

“How race got into this thing is because Obama said ‘race,’” said Rangel.

A Clinton adviser told the New York Times that Rangel was "speaking for himself."

Those pesky surrogates. Clinton may want to muzzle them in the future--or else some folks might start to suspect that they're speaking for her.

UPDATE: More on loose-lipped surrogates from the Washington Post. As Clinton confidant James Carville put it: "Someone said, 'You can't unring a bell' -- well, the biggest bell in American politics just got rung."

Guess which candidate delivered the following message to a Spanish evangelical church this morning (via ABC's Political Punch):

Saying that "faith can transform lives," _______ told parishioners that running for president of the United States "is a marathon, not a sprint.  And in may ways it's a test of strength and a test of faith.  The Bible reminds us, Joshua 10:25, 'Fear not, be strong, and of good courage.' That is the way to face the future. ... So I am not coming here to ask for your vote. This is not the right place.  I am coming here to ask you of something, very special, very important: I am asking for your prayers."

Hint Numero Uno: After a string of early losses, the candidate in question has staked his entire campaign on winning Florida (site of today's event).

Hint Numero Dos: He looks like a human skull.

That's right, sports fans: Rudy. Of course, when asked by an Iowa voter in August about his religion, Giuliani demurred. "My religious affiliation, my religious practices and the degree to which I am a good or not-so-good Catholic, I prefer to leave to the priests," he said. Now he's scrounging for prayers.

Desperate times, it seems, call for desperate measures.

Is it just me--hyper-sensitive English major--or does this mailer I picked up at a Mitt Romney event in Iowa have, like, four too many periods?

But every once in a while we discover a glittering diamond in the rough.

Which is the only way, really, to describe the email I just received from the good people at CafePress.com. If you don't know, CafePress is Web site where anyone can create and sell t-shirts, mugs, bumper sticker, puzzles, yard signs, buttons, journals, magnets and, of course, BBQ aprons. Apparently, "millions of people are seizing it to advocate for (or beat up on) candidates, and doing so entirely outside the traditional campaigns." 

Shows what I know. I thought it was all pictures of kittens in wicker baskets.

What's more, this "big and interesting new avenue for political expression," according to the release, is only one of many "curious and unconstrained new ways voters are finding to raise their voices in this election cycle" that "reveal a lot about which candidates are gaining/losing momentum."

Gee willikers. I'm no political scientist, but that sounded pretty promising to me. Forget the polls, said its siren song. Heed the products. So I did. Here's what I discovered:

1. Fact: Obama products tripled in sales from November to December; Clinton stuff merely doubled. By the end of the year, Obama should surpass the former First Lady for the first time. Conclusion: Somebody put Mark Penn on suicide watch.

2. Fact: In October, Mike Huckabee captured 43 percent of Republican sales on CafePress. In November, that number grew to 46 percent. Now it's up to a "whopping 62 percent and growing." Conclusion: Fundraising problems? Not anymore.

3. Fact: Ron Paul's market share, on the other hand, has slipped from 43 percent in October to 41 percent in November and-gasp!--30 percent in December. Conclusion: Paul isn't very popular online.

4. Fact: Mitt Romney's sales are even worse, falling from three percent in October and November to only two percent in December. Conclusion: Romney is a terrible businessman.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think the numbers speak for themselves. What better way, really, to take the temperature of the electorate than by obsessing over people who like to buy and sell customized wall clocks. With that in mind, I'm now officially predicting Obama and Huckabee in Iowa--with Ron Paul topping Mitt Romney by 1500 percent.

If I'm wrong, free "I'm With Stup--I Mean, Stumper" t-shirts all around.

In late November, Stumper diagnosed the Clinton campaign--and the country--as suffering from "the Bubba Distraction." My theory: the media can't ignore Bill, American's can't ignore the media and Bill can't ignore the spotlight, meaning that his constant stream of off-message statements not only hurts Clinton's candidacy but has the potential to end up hurting the country if she's elected president.

"You know the drill," I wrote. "Bill Clinton talks. The world listens. And Hillary's campaign cringes."

At the time, I was using my imagination; the uber-controlled Clinton camp would never cringe in front of a reporter. Until now. According to Bloomberg's Al Hunt--or at least his anonymous sources--that assumption is actually true. From his "Tension in Hillaryland Grows as Plan Goes Awry" (via TPM Election Central):

There are also political strains with her greatest asset and surrogate, Bill Clinton. The former president was quoted last month as saying he had really opposed the invasion of Iraq from the beginning; he later claimed he was misquoted. Top Clinton campaign officials were privately furious at the former president, saying he had revived the complaint that the Clintons lack credibility, unfairly tarnishing his wife in the process. For his part, the former president, one close associate says, has been bouncing off the walls at the campaign's ineptitude in the past few weeks. (It is not known if the Clintons shared any of these sentiments with each other).

Don't expect to see many additional reports of Clinton vs. Clinton tension. And we should always take anonymous sourcing with a grain of salt. Still, that's not to say Hunt's report isn't true--or, at the very least, "truthy" enough for the media to salivate over. In and of itself, the information is a minor issue; it was inevitable that Bill and Hillary's camps would clash. But airing those antagonisms and acting out those agendas in the press is a whole different animal. Watch the Bubba-obsessed--and inside-dirt-starved--blogs, mags and papers. At first, a story like Hunt's shows that the Clinton campaign has been shaken--then, as it spreads (and it will) it knocks her bid further off-balance.

Maybe "distraction" was too weak a word.

Remember yesterday's post on the must-read NEWSWEEK essay by guest writer Alan Ehrenhalt? You know, the one about a new breed of "irritable" suburban centrists who are weary of extremes and wield the power to reshape American politics? The one that ended with a barrage of questions? To wit:

Which 2008 candidate has the best chance of capturing the "irritable centrist" vote in the general election? Is it the socially liberal and economically conservative Giuliani? Or Barack Obama, who's obsessed with sounding as inclusive as possible? Or someone else?

Of course you do. Well, I left a similar list of queries on Mr. Ehrenhalt's message machine yesterday morning--and you'll be pleased to know that he was kind enough to call back. Wait no longer for your answers, loyal Stumperites. Here's Ehrenhalt's analysis of how "irritable centrism" will affect the race for the White House:

Rudy Giuliani: "He's both irritable and a centrist. So you might imagine Giuliani doing well. Ideologically, he's well-positioned to appeal to people who are increasingly socially liberal but still retain some economic conservatism. Provided, of course, that he doesn't behave temperamentally in a way that negates the advantage. Ideologically he's in about the right place, assuming he could get nominated. But he's also extreme in the way he reacts to things and you can't be entirely sure what he's going to say."

Mitt Romney: "Perhaps. But who knows what he believes in anyway. Actually, I can imagine Romney being someone who after being nominated would go back and attempt to reclaim his moderate roots. That could help. If he did that--return to his Massachusetts record--he would, I think, appeal to a suburban constituency."

Republicans: "In a way, they're better positioned. But the nominating process drives them so far to the right on social issues that they have a long climb back. None of them would seem to me disqualified from claiming the centrist vote, but the primary is pushing them away from that. How much can you move back after a convention? I don't know."

Barack Obama: "In terms of the message... he likes to talk about issues being complicated and how he has no simple, easy answers to questions. But how will an affluent suburban constituency react to an African-American candidate? I'm not sure. In the South, it might not be viable. It's an unfair perception, but he represents something extreme in and of himself--even if he's not extreme himself."

John Edwards: "He's the person who's least qualified to claim irritable centrist support. I sometimes am susceptible to populist arguments, and I think there are times when populist arguments can succeed. But what we seem to have learned in the last few years is that the Democratic party can make majorities by making common cause with this somewhat business-oriented, relatively affluent suburban constituency. That's just where we are. Regardless of the ideological appeal of populism, it would not seem to be the right moment to try that."

The Perfect Candidate: "Mark Warner. All you had to do was nominate him and the election would be over, in my opinion. He still might become vice president. What he did in Virginia was the textbook example of how to split the Republican party. You keep the Democratic constituency and you add in the Chamber of Commerce in the suburbs, which is what he did, and split them off from the religious right and you govern. He got Tim Kaine elected as his successor.

Irritable Centrist Swing States: "Colorado. In the last couple of years, it's elected a Democratic governor, a Democratic U.S. senator, the legislature's gone Democratic. Colorado is to a great extent a state who's politics are dominated by the Denver suburbs. You need to nominate the right candidate. For a place like Colorado--high-tech oriented, changing economy, suburban--Mark Warner is the perfect candidate. There's an easy way for Democrats to win, but it's not clear that the nominee is going to be somebody who can claim that. Similarly, with Virginia. They've elected Jim Webb to the Senate and two Democratic governors in a row. Republicans don't win the suburbs. Same in Kansas. Democrats won't carry Kansas, but the Kansas City suburbs have really turned recently--really as a result of what's perceived as an extreme social-right Christian conservatism in the Republican Party."