This doesn't look like it feels too good: people getting punched in the face in ultra-slow motion. Yeowch. I guess in slow motion that would be yyyeeeeooowwwwwwwwcccchhhhhhh!

I, for one, hope never to be chained to a bunkbed with a veciloraptor. Because it has been brought to my attention that if, by some fluke, I were chained to a bunkbed with a velciloraptor, I would only last one minute and six seconds chained to said bunkbed. At which point I would, presumably, perish, courtesy of the pointy bits of the veciloraptor. Which had also been chained to the bunkbed. (What I want to know is how long I would survive chained to a bunkbed with Mickey Rourke.)

Meet Joe Francis. (As if you haven't already, you cheeky late night TV monkey!) Joe's totally sticking up for YOUR first amendment rights!!!  OMG! So rad! He even has a flag draped behind him, so you know he's for reals.

Anyway, he's certainly NOT sticking up for his his right to not go back to jail for alleged tax fraud. Allegedly. No. That would be something a less classy guy would do.

Well hello there.

I'm not sure how you found this, but welcome. You are reading this because I pitched a blog to my visionary editors and they, being visionaries, agreed to let me have one. Hopefully you will keep reading because it will grow into something thought-provoking, funny, curious and worthy of your pity. Or, think of it this way: I have two small daughters to support and if you don't come back here often--and click on all the ads--they will be sent to toil in the Peruvian mercury mines to support me. So please, think of my children.

Meanwhile, I'll be curating things on a daily basis around here, trying to put goodies in front of your eyeballs. What exactly that will entail remains to be seen. But here's a little guide to get started with: I am a general editor here at Newsweek, covering technology, popular culture and, my favorite, unpopular culture. Mostly, I freaking love the internets. Every single last one of them. So I spend a lot of time looking at said internets--and as such, I see mountains of mind-blowingly life-changing awesomeness every day. And, you know, funny videos of piano-playing cats. Either way, I come across so much good stuff that may not merit a full-blown Newsweek-style story, but is certainly worthy of a mention. I'm talking about stuff that can only happen online (or, to give myself some wiggle room, anywhere else on earth). Stuff that inhabits that middle ground between high-brow arts, low-brow trash and mono-brow geekery. Stuff I would love to share with you, gentle reader, like the selfless lover that I am. 

Here, for example, are a few things I'd link to RIGHT NOW if I were blogging. Which, uh, I guess I am. So. Let's get started: the webby (in more ways than one) Italian Spiderman, which wrapped its 10th episode this week and is quite possibly the funniest spoof of bad '60s Italian James Bond knockoffs you'll ever see. Or I'd hip you to new rumors of a forthcoming Mac book pro and then drool all over my keyboard so that the spacebarstopsworking. Or maybe you'd find this as interesting as I did: Wil Wheaton crumbling some Webcake at Comic Con this week. Or check out this current debate over the Los Angeles Times' policy regarding blogging about rumors surrounding a certain (probably erstwhile) potential Obama running mate--the comments raise a lot of interesting issues surrounding the role of blogs at a, ahem, mainstream media outlet.

Of course, for each of those, I'd take the time to cook up some deliciously brilliant thoughts and conclusions. Maybe take the initiative to do a little reporting. I'd dazzle you with my unique voice, my counterintuitive take. This will be a two-way street--I encourage your feedback, tips, debate, lunch money. But not right now, OK? It's Saturday. It's nice outside. And you and I will get to know each other as this experiment continues. It is a work in progress. It is an evolution, an exploration of the tubes.

And also there will be haiku.