TipSheet : Parenting

Fashion: When Your Kids Want to Dress Like TV Stars

Karen Springen — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:58:58 GMT

Nice Threads: 'Gossip Girl''s Ed Westwick (left) and Taylor Momsen
James Devaney / Getty Images (left); Soul Brother-Film Magic-Getty Images

Fashion consciousness isn’t new to the schoolyard set. But with more and more TV shows about wealthy teens, like the CW network’s “Gossip Girl” and MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16” on the airwaves, parents may find themselves bombarded with an unprecedented number of requests for $140 Coach bags and $60 Abercrombie jeans. Here’s how to balance the desire to make your kids happy with the need to avoid bankruptcy.

• Ask why kids want designer duds. Usually, the motivation is to fit in or acquire social status. Christine Feiler, whose kids are 6, 9, 12 and 14, says she regularly hears: “Everyone else has it!” One strategy is to talk about alternative ways of accomplishing that same goal, says Dee Shepherd-Look, a clinical psychologist who specializes in children and families. Parents can encourage their kids to more actively call friends and organize gatherings. “Studies on adolescent popularity show that popular kids are the ones who reach out, make things happen, who tend to be complimentary to other kids,” says Shepherd-Look.

• Lay out the financial picture. If a kid begs for pricey apparel, “the parents can smile and say, ‘That would be grand, but we can’t afford it’,” says child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of “Raising Kids With Character.” Then kids will understand a “no” is “not that the parents are just being mean,” says Brad Sagarin, an associate professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. Don’t dwell on the electric bill and the mortgage with younger kids. Instead, ask if they would give up a birthday party to buy an Abercrombie shirt.

• Set a budget. Estimate how much you spend a year on your kids’ clothes and then divide it by four (for each season) or 12 (for each month). Younger kids can be in charge of just part of the budget, and older kids can try the whole thing, says Atlanta pediatrician Jennifer Shu, editor of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ “Baby & Child Health.” Richard Ryan, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, gave his daughters a clothes budget when they were 10 and 8. The strategy allows kids to complain about Abercrombie’s prices instead of about “how cheap you are,” he says. For splurges, consider chipping in part of the amount and asking your kids to earn the rest.

• Beware the faux Ugg boot. Steer your kids toward affordable stores like Old Navy and H&M, but don’t force them to buy knockoffs. These days, even preschoolers can spot a pair of fake Ugg boots (nicknamed “Fuggs”) and may taunt classmates about them.

• Avoid dissing your kids’ taste. When they want as for expensive brand names, don’t say, “That’s silly,” says psychologist Lisa Medoff, author of “SOS: Stressed Out Students’ Guide to Handling Peer Pressure.” “It is a big deal to them. Don’t write it off.” Instead, say, “It’s really disappointing because it’s so expensive. It’s not in our budget.”

• Talk about TV shows and stars. Discuss how programs like “Gossip Girl,” are not meant to depict real life. “Often kids are watching it, but nobody talks to them about it,” says Northbrook, Ill., psychologist Margot Touris. Also, explain that the celebs they might see in magazines are often given clothes for free as advertising.

• Try DIY (with caution). “You want to fit in, but you want to stand out at the same time, without looking like a freak,” says Ellen Warwick, author of “Everywear” and “In-jean-uity,” which promote creative ways for kids to decorate their clothes for under $10. Among her suggestions: buy jeans at Target and add embellishments to the bottom. “The coolest kids in school are always the ones who aren’t concerned with what everyone else thinks,” says Warwick.

Finally, remember that your kids want your love more than they want fancy clothes. Stanley Goldstein, a psychologist and author of “Troubled Children/Troubled Parents,” says, “Despite what they say, the most important thing in their life is their parents.”

Education: Making Math Fun

Karen Springen — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:55:22 GMT

Does your child complain that math is his least favorite subject? Jo Boaler, a math-education professor at England’s University of Sussex and author of “What’s Math Got to Do With It? Helping Children Learn to Love Their Least Favorite Subject—And Why It’s Important for America” (Viking/Penguin, $24.95), and Rod Pierce, creator of mathis fun.com, offer some advice.

• Make it fun. To practice geometry, try tangrams, seven-piece puzzles whose pieces can be put together to form different shapes ($7.95 at etacuisenaire.com); or the card game Set ($12 at setgame.com). To develop number skills, check out Equate, which is like math Scrabble ($25 at conceptualmathmedia.com), or Cribbage ($24.99 at target.com).

• Boost their confidence. Never say “You’re wrong,” says Boaler. “There’s always some logic in their thinking. The key is to find the logic.”

• Make it a part of daily life. Learn fractions in the kitchen. Ask kids, “What do we do if we need one and a half cups of flour but we only have a half-cup measure?” While gardening, ask kids, “How many plants do we need in this space if they are six inches apart?” Talk about shapes of flowers and plants, too, says Pierce.

Help Kids Overcome Picky Eating

Newsweek — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:37:35 GMT

Remedy: No need to limit yourself to sneaking puréed vegetables into foods or battling over broccoli
Illustration: Michael Klein for Newsweek

By Anne Underwood

Kylee Smith, 5, of Richmond, Va., loves cheese—grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese, cheese quesadillas. It’s what she doesn’t like that has her mom worried. Kylee won’t eat meat, other than chicken nuggets. Her vegetable consumption is limited to tomato sauce—but only on pizza, not spaghetti. Most nights, her mother has to prepare a special dish just for her. “If we’re eating something she doesn’t like, she won’t even sit next to us,” says her mother, Jean-Marie.

If this sounds familiar, take heart. Children can be notoriously picky eaters—and today’s snack-food culture makes it even harder to channel their tastes in healthy directions. But research is shedding new light on how food preferences are formed—and what we can do to promote healthy eating. The good news: your choices aren’t limited to sneaking puréed vegetables into foods or battling it out over broccoli.

One of the most surprising findings is that it’s never too early to start—not even during pregnancy. Flavorful compounds from a mother’s diet cross the placenta into amniotic fluid, which babies in the third trimester swallow at the rate of a quart a day. “Babies develop preferences for these foods long before they actually eat them,” says Julie Mennella, a biopsychologist at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. Similarly, during lactation, flavors pass from the mother’s bloodstream into breast milk. Mennella has done studies showing that babies whose moms drank carrot juice or ate fruits while breast-feeding liked carrot and peach baby foods better than formula-fed infants did.

But picky eating is not always about the taste of food. Often it’s about texture, such as pulp in orange juice, nuts in brownies or gristle on meat. This doesn’t have to be a huge problem—it’s easy enough to cut off gristle. In fact, some of what passes for finicky eating is just normal development. Humans, being omnivores, are biologically programmed to be wary of new foods until they know they’re safe to eat. This “food neophobia” peaks between 2 and 5, when a newly mobile child would otherwise be at greatest risk of ingesting, say, colorful but toxic berries. The degree of caution varies greatly among children—and a recent study shows it is largely genetic. But everyone has it to some extent—even adults. Not surprisingly, it applies mainly to bitter foods (think vegetables), since bitterness often indicates poison.

The quickest remedy may be that of Missy Chase Lapine, author of “The Sneaky Chef,” who conceals puréed vegetables in a wide range of foods. “If you can get eight vegetables, all hidden, and wheat germ and whole grains in a tasty meatball, why would you ever not do it?” she asks. Most experts approve of the tactic, saying it can boost the nutritional content of meals and take the pressure off mealtimes. But they also say it shouldn’t be the only approach: parents should also serve whole veggies so kids will acquire a taste for them. “If you want your child to like spinach, that won’t happen by sneaking it into brownies,” says Tina Tan, a pediatric-feeding specialist at New York University Langone Medical Center’s Rusk Institute.

So what’s a parent to do?

• Be persistent. Psychologist Leann Birch at Pennsylvania State University has shown that children often need to try a new food 10 to 15 times before they will accept it. Most moms give up after three to five times.

• Don’t force kids to eat. When introducing a new food, give a very small amount. Let the child spit it out if she wants. “Children have to get accustomed to the taste and texture of a food before they feel comfortable swallowing it,” says family therapist Ellyn Satter, author of “Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense.”

• Take kids’ tastes into account. Children generally have a higher preference than adults for sweet and salty tastes. But you can work with that and still have healthy meals. Dietitian Elizabeth Ward, author of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Feeding Your Baby and Toddler,” suggests putting grated cheese on veggies. The salt in the cheese counteracts some of the bitterness. Serve carrots, which are sweet, for snacks. Purée cauliflower; it looks like mashed potatoes.

• Don’t fix separate meals. It’s hard to resist when kids are refusing to eat. But it only reinforces their biases. Instead, each meal should contain some foods the kids like and some the adults like. Serving meals family style lets the child choose and gives her a sense of control. Eventually, most kids will start eating many of the same foods as the parents.

• Don’t bribe kids. Promising ice cream as a reward for eating broccoli only fuels the suspicion that there’s something wrong with the broccoli. “It serves a short-term goal, but in the long run, it makes kids like broccoli less and ice cream more,” says Birch.

• Find a role model. If your child has a friend who’s a good eater, invite her to dinner. In one study, Birch sat children who hated peas with kids who were eating the veggie happily. After a week of this routine, the pea haters started eating peas, too.

• Involve kids in cooking. It will help get them used to the smell, feel and texture of foods. And having a stake in the meal will make them somewhat more likely to eat it.

• Relax. If meals become a power struggle, you’re likely to lose. “Along with potty training and sleeping, eating behavior is one thing kids can control,” says Tan. “And it definitely gets a reaction out of Mom and Dad.” Just remember: as long as the kids are getting some kind of fruit, vegetable and protein, they’re probably doing fine.

With Anna Kuchment

When Your Kids Go to Summer Camp

Newsweek — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 16:37:35 GMT

By Christina Gillham

Does the thought of dropping your child off at camp send you into fits of separation anxiety? If so, you’re not alone. The American Camp Association (aca camps.org) says it’s seen an increase in “kidsickness” from parents, whose intense relationship with their children makes it harder to let go. Here, some tips from Peg Smith, CEO of the ACA, on how to make your weeks alone easier:

• Choose a camp you feel comfortable with—one that meets your needs and matches your own philosophy and values. Confidence in the camp will put you more at ease.

• Know that separation is natural and necessary. Each new experience increases a child’s confidence. “Separation helps children develop independence,” says Smith. “It’s not only natural, it’s developmental.”

• Remember that you have taught your child well; the lessons that you have instilled in her don’t disappear when you are apart.

• Camp is a time for kids to take a break from their parents, too. They won’t forget you. If you don’t hear from your children, view it as a positive sign: they are simply busy and having fun.

Fitness: Teaching Kids to Play Olympic Sports

Newsweek — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:49:49 GMT

By Tina Peng

Summer gymnastics and swim camps across the country are full of tomorrow’s Shawn Johnsons and Margaret Hoelzers, but where do future Olympic hopefuls go to train for the somewhat more exotic track and field disciplines, such as javelin and shot put? You might have to look a little harder, but there are clinics and coaches that offer beginners an introduction to these sports, too.

Javelin coach Erik Bernstein (erikbernstein.com) gives private lessons and group clinics throughout New Jersey. Bernstein, who usually has about 40 clients, says some of his students are high-school athletes who see the underrepresented sport as a shot at scoring an athletic scholarship to college. But he thinks interest in javelin is likely to surge after the Olympics air on television. “A lot of high-school kids aren’t aware of the event,” he says.

Several universities offer summer track-and-field camps that include training in shot put, discus throwing and javelin in their broader curricula. Central College in Pella, Iowa, devotes time to both shot put and discus as well as hurdles, sprints and the long and high jumps in a training camp that runs from July 23 to July 27 (central.edu/athletics/ camps), and Black Hills State University in Spearfish, S.D., is holding a three-day developmental camp in shot put and discus for seventh graders and older (custerthrowscamp.com).

And if you’re looking forward to 2010, now’s the time to get a jump on training for some of the more-obscure Winter Olympics sports, too. The United States Curling Association is holding a youth camp in Falmouth, Mass., from July 20 to 23 (usacurl.org/curlingrocks).

Family: When to Get Your Kids to Run

Karen Springen — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:46:40 GMT

You’re an avid runner, and now Junior has decided he’d like to start, too. Is it OK? Sure, with a few caveats.

• Factor in age. Kids who run too much too soon can burn out. There’s no hard and fast rule, but try a mile or so for kids 9 to 13, one to three miles in junior high and three to five miles in high school, says Dr. Rebecca Demorest of the American Academy of Pediatrics (aap.org).

• Beware of overheating. Kids heat up faster than adults and don’t sweat as efficiently. Make sure they hydrate every 15 to 20 minutes.

• Don’t overdo it. Overuse injuries are common in repetitive sports. It’s not clear whether excessive running can harm growth plates, but use common sense.

• Think balance. More than one in six kids are overweight, but make sure runners take in enough healthy calories for all their energy output. Watch out for girls who stop getting their periods or don’t get a period by 16, which may put them at risk for fractures and weak bones.

• Finally, make sure running isn’t interfering with schoolwork. But know this: physically fit kids tend to perform better on tests.

Family: Single Mom With Kid Needs Break

Anna Kuchment — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:38:27 GMT

Andre Lichtenberg

Two years after her 2003 divorce, Lisa Gentile took her daughter, Claudia, then 6, to Las Vegas. “Somebody told me how family-friendly Las Vegas had become,” says Gentile, 44, a legal specialist from Fanwood, N.J. The pair played by the pool and took a gondola ride at the Venetian, but the experience left Gentile feeling lonely for adult conversation. “When you travel with a child, children will always meet other children, but grown-ups do not necessarily meet each other,” she says.

On their next mother-daughter adventure, Gentile booked a getaway through Single Parent Travel (singleparenttravel.net). The Annapolis, Md., company offers group vacations for adults traveling alone with kids. Last summer, she and Claudia, now 9, spent a week at the Beaches Turks & Caicos resort ($2,767 for seven nights for one adult and one child, all inclusive) along with two dozen other single-parent families. “It was wonderful,” she says. Lisa and Claudia spent most days chatting and playing on the beach with other families, then meeting up again at night for dinner, a stroll or a variety show. They befriended a mother-daughter pair from their home state and have stayed in touch ever since. “The best part is the company,” says Gentile. “You’re meeting people you have something in common with, and their reason for being there is the same as yours.”

Adults who travel alone with kids face some pressures that two-parent families don’t. “Everything falls on you: you’re the good guy and the bad guy, and that can be harrowing,” says John Frenaye, a divorced father of three and president of Single Parent Travel. He makes sure that each of his weeklong trips allows adults to take some time for themselves; they can hit the gym, the spa or the disco while their kids watch a movie or compete in an Xbox tournament. Cost is another factor: most resorts offer children’s discounts only when there are two adults paying full price. And then there’s the question of fitting in; Gentile says she used to worry that she and Claudia would stand out in a sea of two-parent families.

A number of companies are taking steps to make single parents feel more welcome. Breezes resorts (breezes.com) in Curaçao and the Dominican Republic waive their single supplement from May through late December for one adult traveling with kids, and some Beaches resorts (beaches.com) offer single parent weeks, with discounts and activities that allow families to socialize with one another. In July, the Offshore Sailing School in Ft. Myers Beach, Fla., is hosting a weeklong class with special rates for single adults with kids (offshore-sailing.com; $2,893 for one parent and one child, July 13–18). For general advice, singleparenttravel.net publishes a monthly newsletter that includes travel specials and destination ideas. Gentile’s main tip is to just go for it. “You deserve a vacation and to have a good time with your child,” she says. “Don’t worry about what anyone else is thinking.”

With Meredith Karp

Gardens That Go ‘Ribbit!’

Karen Springen — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:16:54 GMT

Celebrate spring with new shows at zoos and botanical gardens across the country. Here’s what’s blooming at a park near you.

Longwood Gardens, Kennett Square, Pa.: Climb to the top of three large treehouses (one is handicapped-accessible) and look out over some of the garden’s 1,050 acres. Through Nov. 23. Price: $16 for adults, $6 for kids over 4 (longwood gardens.org).

Oregon Zoo, Portland, Ore.: Go back millions of years with an outdoor exhibit of 14 dinosaur species that roar, snarl and move; open May 17 through Labor Day. Walk through a rain forest and dig for “fossils.” Price: $4 plus regular zoo admission—$9.75 for adults, $6.75 for kids 3 and up (www.oregonzoo.org).

Newport Aquarium, Newport, KY.: Its Frog Bog, beginning May 23, has 20 kinds of frogs. In this “year of the frog,” zoos are launching temporary exhibits that show the global threat to amphibians. Price: $18.95 for adults, $11.95 for kids 2 through 12 (newportaquarium.com).

Lowry Park Zoo, Tampa, Fla.: This month the zoo will open Gator Falls, a 185-second water-flume ride that includes views of white alligators. Don’t panic: it’s a smooth log ride, not a roller coaster. Price: $4 for the ride, plus the cost of admission—$18.95 for adults, $14.50 for kids 3 to 11 (lowryparkzoo.com).

Morton Arboretum, Lisle, Ill.: View 12 giant bug sculptures made from forest materials like twigs and saplings. They’re all part of the “Big Bugs” special exhibit, through July 20. Price: $9 for adults, $6 for kids 3 to 17 (mortonarb.org).

Discipline: When Kids Attack

Anna Kuchment — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:28:54 GMT

Illustration: Zohar Lazar for Newsweek

By Anna Kuchment

Nancy Plant wasn’t sure how to prevent her daughter’s playdates from veering toward disaster. Five-year-old Kate “liked to be in control,” says Plant, an attorney from Bainbridge Island, Wash. Kate would tell her friends what to do and, if they decided not to follow her instructions, she “would get mad and not want to play with them.” Tears ensued. After trying several strategies that seemed only to make matters worse, Plant and her husband, George Jarecke, turned to a parent coach. For $75 an hour ($100 for an introductory session), Sally Kidder Davis of Sound Parent (soundparent.com) met with Plant and Jarecke to talk through potential solutions. One was to talk to Kate about the importance of being a responsible hostess. If she couldn’t help her guests enjoy themselves, she couldn’t have them over. The strategy worked.

Parents like Plant are turning to coaches to help them puzzle out the daily dilemmas of child rearing. The Parent Coaching Institute (parentcoachinginstitute.com), based in Bellevue, Wash., certifies 40 new coaches per year, up from its first class of just eight students in 2001. Coaches advise parents with kids of all ages on issues ranging from sleep training to fussy eating and managing screen time to coping with adult sons and daughters who’ve moved back into the house.

Why pay a stranger to meddle in your family affairs? Most simply want support and validation. Some are lured by the miracle cures on “Nanny 911.” Many live far from close family and friends and feel unsure of where to turn for reliable advice. Plant found comfort in talking to Kidder Davis precisely because she was an outsider. “There’s a limit to what your friends can do for you,” says Plant. “Sometimes with parents there’s a hint of competition that makes it hard to ask, ‘What the heck am I doing wrong?’ ” Other parents find that coaches help them filter out conflicting advice they hear on talk shows and read in books and magazines. Pamela Paul, author of “Parenting, Inc.” (Times Books. $25), sees coaching as a sign of something more insidious: the professionalization of parenthood. “The parenting industry has convinced parents that they cannot trust their children’s health, happiness and success to themselves,” she writes.

Still, there are times when outside advice can prove helpful. I recently called on Urban Nurture (urbannurture.com), a New York City-based parent-coaching and nanny-referral agency for parents with kids ages 7 and younger. Founder Sally Wilkinson interviewed me, then matched me up with a coach. A few days later, Claire, a friendly, professional British nanny, showed up at our door. Among other issues, I explained that my 2-year-old daughter threw tantrums whenever her father wanted to put her to bed instead of me. Of course, we cave in every time. The coach suggested giving our daughter plenty of warning the next time her dad wanted to do the bedtime routine. Perhaps my husband could take her to the bookstore to pick out some new reading material just for them. Then we should follow through no matter how much she protests. (We have yet to muster the courage to try this.) In addition, Claire offered helpful advice on nutritious snacks, suggested we shorten naps so our daughter would turn in earlier at night and complimented us on our array of educational toys. That small amount of validation made the visit worthwhile.

Different coaches offer different approaches. Urban Nurture’s style is more in the vein of “Supernanny”: a coach comes to your home, assesses the situation and offers advice in as little as two hours, though parents can book as many sessions as they’d like. Kidder Davis and most other PCI grads prefer to work with parents on a longer-term basis. Her approach fuses that of therapist and educator: she helps clients arrive at their own solutions over a series of four to 12 one-hour consultations, which she does in her office or over the phone. Cathy Adams of Chicago’s Intentional Parent (intentionalparent.net), another PCI grad, operates exclusively by phone so she can stay home with her three daughters. Both supply clients with a range of educational literature, including books on child rearing and development (see soundparent.com/recommended_reading.shtml).

When choosing a coach, look for one with relevant experience. Those with PCI certification have backgrounds in fields related to child development. Kidder Davis holds a master’s in education; Adams is a licensed social worker. Urban Nurture’s coaches are all professional British nannies with a minimum of 15 years’ experience. If they can’t help with your problems, you might really be in trouble.

Outdoors: An Easier Way To Get Balanced

Newsweek — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:22:00 GMT

By Kate Leffingwell

Each Spring, parents across the country head to the local park to teach their kids to ride a bike. The traditional method involves pushing your child as fast as you can and hoping he or she learns to pedal and balance at the same time. That can be scary for kids, and “many parents now may not be in the best shape to bend down and run for such a distance,” says Rich Conroy, manager of Bike New York, which promotes bicycle riding in New York City. So this spring, the group is teaching kids as young as 5 by using a newer, back-saving method. (Log on to bike newyork.org for more info.)

Step 1: Use an adjustable wrench to remove the pedals. Lower the seat so your child’s feet rest comfortably on the ground. Then have him push off with his feet, learning to balance and brake.

Step 2: Replace the pedals and cheer from the sidelines as your child masters new skills. Then take him out for ice cream: it beats an ice pack any day.

Ma, What’s a Superdelegate?

Karen Springen — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 15:43:57 GMT

If you’ve been debating politics with your spouse, chances are your kids have listened in. Here are some election books just for them.

“Otto Runs for President,” by Rosemary Wells (ages 4 to 8; $15.99). A young dog defeats two popular, self-centered classmates in a school election. In the end, he learns how tough it is to be president.

“LaRue for Mayor,” by Mark Teague (5 to 8; $16.99). In this slapstick tale, a dog runs for mayor after a crackdown on canine civil liberties. Finally, a real “change agent.”

“So You Want to Be President,” by Judith St. George (7 to 12; $17.99). This Caldecott Medal winner is filled with fun details about past leaders. Sample: William Howard Taft weighed more than 300 pounds and bathed in a custom-built tub.

“Grace for President,” by Kelly DiPucchio (5 to 9; $15.99). Grace, who wants to be the first female president, learns what it’s like to run for office when her teacher organizes an election, complete with an electoral system. Superdelegates not included.

Leave That Stroller in the Dust

Anna Kuchment — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 16:26:55 GMT

Most toddlers get plenty of exercise. TIP SHEET’s Anna Kuchment asked Dr. David Geller, an instructor in pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, for advice on encouraging timid kids to get moving.

Should you ever worry that a toddler isn’t active enough? For the most part, kids naturally are going to get enough activity. But if the child is gaining weight excessively, and you think a lack of activity might be contributing to that, then it might be an issue.

What can you do to encourage a shy child to run and climb? Try going to the playground at a less busy time. Help them climb up the slide backward, or ask them to race you to the swings. Play Hide and Seek or Simon Says.

When are kids too old for strollers? By 3 or 4. At 2, it’s good to give the child a chance to walk, but if they want to be picked up, it’s still appropriate. By 2 to 3, I would expect them to be able to walk confidently. If not, encourage them by saying, “How about you walk to that telephone pole, then I’ll pick you up?” It’s about getting kids to enjoy using their bodies. And if they can do that, they’ll get exercise naturally.

Kids: To Tv Or Not Tv

Newsweek — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 17:07:43 GMT

Gaming the System: Choose videogames that adapt to your child’s skills. Getty Images

By Anna Kuchment and Christina Gillham

Parents who feel guilty about letting their kids watch TV might breathe a sigh of relief after talking to Deborah Linebarger. Linebarger, an assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communication who studies the effects of media on young children, has let all her kids watch some TV from the time they were babies. “There’s evidence now that certain kinds of programming can help kids with language development and can be beneficial in moderation,” she says.

Some studies have linked TV and videogames with obesity and attention-deficit disorders. And the American Academy of Pediatrics says kids younger than 2 shouldn’t watch any television at all. But, despite these warnings, 90 percent of 2-year-olds regularly watch TV, DVDs or videos, and one third of 3- to 6-year-olds have a TV in their bedroom. So child-development experts have turned their attention to helping parents make smart choices. A growing body of research shows that, if parents select programming wisely, set time limits and watch with their kids as much as possible, children are likely to benefit rather than suffer any negative consequences. “I don’t think TV screens for any age should be dealt with as something toxic,” says Dr. Michael Rich, a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Boston and director of its Center on Media and Child Health (cmch.tv). Some advice on helping your children navigate the video landscape:

Ages 0 to 2.“There’s nothing better for infants’ development than human interaction,” says Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington and coauthor of “The Elephant in the Living Room: Make Television Work for Your Kids.” Last year Christakis coauthored a study that found a correlation between baby video and DVD viewing and poor language development in babies ages 8 to 16 months. But Linebarger says to follow your kid’s cues. If your child seems interested in TV, an 11- to 12-minute episode of a commercial-free show like Nickelodeon’s “Blue’s Clues” or PBS’s “Arthur” is unlikely to do harm and could help him learn new words. Preliminary research by Rebekah Richert, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, shows that babies as young as 18 months are capable of learning new words from DVDs like Baby Einstein’s “Baby Wordsworth” as long as “parents direct their children’s attention to the screen and label particular words.”

Ages 2 to 5. In Linebarger’s research, watching such programs as Nickelodeon’s “Dora the Explorer” and “Blue’s Clues” and PBS’s “Arthur,” “Clifford” and “Dragon Tales” was linked with increased vocabulary in kids ages 6 months to 2½ years, while such shows as PBS’s “Teletubbies” were linked with decreased vocabulary. Choose programs with a linear plotline, as opposed to a variety-show format, because they’re easier for toddlers to follow.

Ages 6 to 10. “There’s not as much programming for kids once they start school that’s of high quality,” says Christakis. But kids in this age group are not yet ready for prime-time TV, and parents will need to hunt around for more-appropriate content. Prescreen as much as possible to make sure the show you’re watching is teaching your child the same values you are, and check review sites like parentschoice .org or commonsensemedia.org. Linebarger also recommends documentary-style shows on the History Channel and the Discovery Channel. Michael Levine, executive director of the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, a new organization dedicated to improving the educational content of digital media, says to limit screen time to one hour per day, discuss TV shows and games with your kids after they’ve viewed them, and read daily with them for at least 20 minutes. As with nutrition, a healthy media diet is all about balance.